A Blessing for Deidre's Hair

I wrote this blessing for my friend Deidre[0] on the eve of her first chemo infusion, when we gathered at her place to cut her hair together. It's a piece of writing I'm very proud of and she's given me permission to publish it on my blog.

Readings

A Reading from the Book of Judges

A reading from the Book of Judges, Chapter 16, verses 15-19

15 And she (Delilah) said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies.” 16 And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. 17 And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother's womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man.”

18 When Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “Come up again, for he has told me all his heart.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands. 19 She made him sleep on her knees. And she called a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him.

A Reading from the Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3

Everything Has Its Time (NRSVUE)

3 For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; 5 a time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to throw away; 7 a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; 8 a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.

The word of God for the people of God, thanks be to God.

A Blessing for Your Hair

Usually when I start a sermon, a blessing or a homily, I've been taught you say a personal anecdote. Something that makes you relatable. Something that draws the audience in.

As I write this, it feels wrong. We all know each other. We're all friends. We are here doing our best to search for glimmers of joy staring down the unknown together. I don't have many answers today, but I do want to offer the fruits of meditation from anguishing in my room to biking down the West Side Highway.

Today I will be bringing up two passages from scripture and how they relate to this moment.

Firstly, a story about Hair. Hair features very prominently in one specific story in the Hebrew Bible. Astute viewers of the cinematic masterpiece Veggie Tales may recognize Samson and Delilah. Samson is a man blessed by God with superhuman strength, giving him the ability to rip apart a lion with his own bare hands. He was a gigachad, the defender of the tribes of Ancient Israel, single-handedly protecting them from entire invading armies.

The secret of Samson's strength lay in his hair. See he had taken a vow with God. As long as his hair was never cut, Samson would never lose his superhuman strength. This was his secret. Samson often sought out the company of prostitutes until one day he was smitten by a woman named Delilah. When the enemies of Ancient Israel found out, they bribed Delilah to find out the source of his strength.

Through many romantic encounters, Delilah coerces the truth out of Samson and at night, she calls someone to shave his head. Samson loses his superhuman strength and is taken prisoner.

I have a lot of difficulty with this passage. Delilah is an often maligned name, a woman who tempts a just, strong man and robs him of his God-given talents. I want to acknowledge that it is steeped in misogyny not only in common interpretations, but in its authorship too.

But I want to talk about Samson for a minute. See, I wonder what it's like to feel like the responsibility of the defence of your entire country lies on your shoulders. I wonder if Samson sought out the company of prostitutes to dump emotions he wasn't comfortable sharing because... He probably had few friends. I wonder if Samson was worried that the admiration, respect and status he got in society was entirely bound up with his physical strength which depended on his hair. I wonder if he felt like he'd be nothing without his hair.

The parallels might be obvious. There are harsh physical truths that we wrestle with today. Beloved Deidre, today we stare down a process that will fundamentally weaken your gigachad climbing body. In this moment, we cut your hair in recognition of this material reality.

However, while what is happening physically may rhyme, we could not be further from the world of the Book of Judges. We could not be further from Samson.

See, Samson lived in fear of his hair being cut. He lived a lonely life worried his secret getting out would sap away all of his being. A moment of desperate, anxiously attached vulnerability cost him that physical strength and he was lost without it.

However the truth is that strength is so much more than physical. It takes relational strength to cultivate friendships rooted in a secure attachment. It takes spiritual strength to come to the point of acceptance of the physically transformed self that lies ahead. It takes Olympian-level courage to stare down this medical marathon and choose to start jogging.

And this is where the big difference is. Deidre, I want to remind you that it was you who gathered us here today. It was you who handed your friends the razor and said take my hair from me. It was you who stared down the physical reality of a change to your body, held the hands of your friends, grit your teeth and snarled

"come at me bro"

Because if there's anyone I know who's cultivated a spirit that is so strong that it rattles the walls of the body that contains it, it's you.

So from the book of Judges we learn lessons from the cloud of ancestors that walk alongside us. In the tale of Samson and Delilah, we learn of the plurality of the forms of strength that exist. As we shave your head today, signifying a transition in your physical body, may we be reminded of the strengths that chemotherapy can never ever take away. May we be reminded of the strength of your spirit.

The second thought I wanted to share today comes from the wisdoms in The Book of Ecclesiastes, from the poem: A Time for Everything in Chapter 3

There's so much richness in this poem. For instance, during the pandemic, the phrase "a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing" took on new meaning for me. Today, I think about the phrase "A time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted". Maybe it's because shaving your hair feels taking a combine tractor through a bountiful field of wheat and so I think about this through the lens of harvest.

So if we're thinking about things through the lens of a harvest, it's worth asking what is being harvested?

Deidre, you have spent years and years nurturing friendships. You have spent time growing people around you. You have made the people around you feel cared for. You have made the people around you feel loved.

May this shaving today remind you that just as there is a season for giving to others, there is a season for receiving. If ever there was a moment to ask for time, for help, for anything from us, may this shaving remind you that you live in a bountiful time of harvest.

Friends, as we gather here today to shave Deidre’s hair, may we be reminded that this is the moment that she needs us. If you are ready to be part of this harvest, if you are ready to fill Deidre's life with abundance, to be the village she needs, please say I am.

So Deidre, we take a moment to honor this hair. We bless this hair, that has blown in the wind while you drove across national parks in a beaten-up old van with the windows down. We bless this hair that has soaked in the islands of the Pacific and the shores of the Atlantic. We bless this hair that has been tied up in a ponytail on the walls of the climbing gym and in pigtails at EDC.

And as we shave it, may we think of the truths that this shaving reveal, the truth of the strength of your spirit and the truth of the season of harvest we find ourselves in.

And a reminder that after the harvest, the growing begins. Next year, may we meet again with full heads of hair, ready to carry memories of all the journeys yet to come.

Amen.

[0]: Deidre is a pseudonym used to protect her privacy.